from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
