I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
