I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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