Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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