I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
