Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
