Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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