so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
