I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
