After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
