farters have to be the big spoon...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
