Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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