i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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