all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
