so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
