Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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