Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
