Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
