I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
