Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
