i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
