Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
