Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
