i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
