i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
