I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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