M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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