He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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