Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
