Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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