I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
