these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
