I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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