I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
