Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
