She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
