so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
