my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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