ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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