I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
