at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
