My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize