They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think your dad took our porno
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
