there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
