I can tuck mytits in my pants
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
