The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize