I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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