I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How naked do you want me to be?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
