I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
honey bunches of taint.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
