the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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