we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
