His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
