he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
