Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
