just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
