i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
