I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
