My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
