Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
