i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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