I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Operation Purity has been aborted
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
